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words of comfort

Ronald, your comment struck a chord for me. Your relationship to your lost one, say your parent, might be vastly different to the relationship the grieving person had with theirs. Thank you Marie !! and don’t ask, just show up with hugs, food, booze whatever – i recently was thrust into a role as caregiver for someone completely debilitated in an accident. We encourage you to trust your inner wisdom and do what you feel is best for you and the person who’s suffering. I feel I was thrown a monkey wrench at me after I loss my mother (Dec 2013), my sister (Nov 2014) , and my Dad (Feb 2015) and did not get that moment to grieve it was so sudden. I also wrote: “Despues de sentir lo que se tiene que sentir, solo queda ser feliz” Marie thanks for putting this out there. Your advice: “Do keep checking in” really resonated with me. Will return phone calls between 8-9pm? It actually became this healing thing as I showed a few close friends at work and in the midst of this incredible sorrow and grief, we would burst out laughing, just at the unbelievable-ness of this book/gift. Our intent was to offer some common suggestions and general sentiments that might be helpful for someone who doesn’t know what to say to a loved one who is going through grief and loss, though your point about just being there is absolutely the most important thing! I found people to be well meaning, but most didn’t know what to do or say. View TranscriptCheck out this episode on The Marie Forleo PodcastListen Now, Check out this episode on The Marie Forleo Podcast. Thank you so much for opening your heart and sharing your wisdom with us, TJ. I just remember these things really comfort me , it was the thought and the abundance that was in the box. Feeling that love surround me was so comforting. And letting that person know you you thinking of them is simple and will mean so very much to them. You can find both resources online. After a few months, right when we moved in our new house, he had a second heart surgery, which again left me alone with both the worries and the work. Losing one is like a 8.0, losing 2 is like an 8.5 which is 10 time worse than the first and the third like a 9.0 being 100 times worse. – The people who checked in regularly without waiting for me to make contact. I know that everyone has very busy lives to lead with demanding jobs and juggling children and family life, but it’s the thoughts that count when they take those few minutes to check in. While many people have already touched on being physically present to be there for and comfort a person grieving. The webpages of the people you citing was particularly useful. That darkness helped me look closer in the mirror and look inside. On a personal level, as someone who had one of my best friends murdered when I was younger, my favorite grandma pass away unexpectedly, and a 17 year old sister who battled terminal cancer, survived, and then tried to take her own life around ten years later, I’ve certainly experienced some rather tragic and “uncommon” events. Thank you Marie – I listened to your advice yesterday – and today I unfortunately got the news that someone I know well is ill with cancer. Actually, you feel more like yourself than you did when you were alive. I’m really sorry you lost so many of your family members, especially in such a short amount of time. So, Marie thanks for touching on this topic that is so strong and dear to me. One particular day we spent in Newlands Forest in Cape Town, taking our girls and Joe the boxer for outing. — I’m so sorry this happened and that you have to bear this grief. My partner committed suicide standing in front of me following an abusive relationship. What helped the most was people just being with me. I’m truly grateful for the supportive, inspiring and consistently insightful conversations that unfold here. My heart goes out to you.” My friend and her husband later sought grief counseling and now have two more beautiful children. I think most people mean well when they try to share their own experiences, but you’re so right that a comparison like that can come off as really thoughtless. Remember that your friend is a lot of the time still in pain after the loss. My partner dropped dead 14months ago within 6 weeks I lost our two homes and became homeless. There seems to a “time frame” on when people thing that you should be feeling better. Another thing I have found helpful is to encourage people to create a home altar or shrine. No matter how small the action, thought or gift, it is appreciated. He passed July 13, 2016, just 8 days before his birthday July 21st. Not even my own family cared. Two months later our basement was flooded six feet high and we lost almost all our personal belongings. You need to know what to say when certain things such as death or tragedy occur because words of comfort are very important. Yes! It made the encounter all about the other person, and how she felt. Without expectations and conditions. Nobody can imagine, what this all means, if they haven’t gone through the exact same situations. when my love died of breast cancer, it seems as if everyone ran away. This is so important. “That sucks” felt so small compared to the grief I felt. The phrase “Oh, you’re in stage # of grieving” might be meant well, but those sets of emotions are not necessarily markers on a path, they are not linear, and they sometimes come all at once. We’re so glad to hear that, Jeanie. In my psychotherapy practice many of my clients are at a loss on how to support someone through a loss. Rape culture, or the normalization of victim-blaming (i.e., “she asked for it” kind of talk and actions), is a very real, painful thing in this country and around the world. Thank you so much, Catarina. What’s your weekend plan?”. Untill this day that image stayed with me and had a profound impact. I’d add to the “don’ts” : when learning of an illness/death/tragedy, don’t make it about you. We are stressed and terrified and need to be allowed to feel what we are feeling. Or not. My own parents were unable to comfort me. – Ted Ryce. Hello all!!! Don’t listen to answer, just listen. , I’m so sorry for your loss. Of course, some friends were really very supportive and even helped us hands on, but some of my closest friends didn’t check up on us once or even said they were sorry for my loss, when my friend passed away. It didn’t really matter. When your loved one also walked with him, there is a deep assurance, a deep knowing that he or she is with him, and that the separation although difficult, is temporary. My friends HOPE I’m doing better and through my own hard work and self-love I am She works part time for us and I have been much more supporting of her than her own brother. These truly hit the nail on the head. The pain stays for a long, long time. Words of Comfort and Hope. Our acting community very recently lost a brilliant and talented 20-year old man to an auto-accident. xo. Sin and Punishment is a Human Concept. And too many of us stay silent because we’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. I read somewhere it’s better to say ‘with you’ than ‘for you’. I just buried my 28 year old sister about a week ago and this post truly helped me. Just being there; helping them to make decisions when their heads were clouded in shock and grief. x-x-x-x-xOx Love this!!! Unfortunately, my personal experience has taught me that friends are more often the ones who will stay in touch and offer specific help (go for a beer, go watch a movie etc.) Thank you To balance my “don’t”, the “do” is to be other-centered. Thank you Marie, That was good advice, as always actually! Maybe they assumed someone else was. He said, “I’m here!” then just sat with us in silence. thank you so much for sharing ,took my share of information !! This light makes visible what is invisible on earth, the Divine nature of all things. I found interesting reading your article. My mom and I had a difficult relationship and I was pressured to act or be a certain way that didn’t fit our relationship. There are so many kids in need.”. (It’s so much better than sending me flowers.). Thank you, Marie. Thank you so much for sharing your story — it’s such a lovely example of how just being there really can make such a tremendous difference when we’re experiencing deep loss. Even though abuse in any form is wrong, I still grieved the good parts of the man I fell in love with. What do you say to someone you don’t know very well? And one that you mentioned. I would like to share my don’t: I recommend not asking how it happened or what happened. Especially an uncle who said, “we all knew this was coming.” What your comment makes me realize is that those people were looking at a 19 year old girl, full of life who had just moved cross-country to go to college and pursue her dreams trying to deal suddenly with a loss that many of them had yet to deal with themselves. I never feel like I know what to say at times like these. Some things I would have liked to hear: My best friend’s friend died recently, she was in her twenties, she killed herself…. DO ask someone how they are feeling/doing, and don’t project how you do/would feel about the loss of a loved one of your own onto them. Thank you for watching! Taking away one’s hope is taking away one’s life. 4. Another case of people not knowing what to say. It sounds like I just need to be available for people, and be proactive in trying to help! I hope I voiced this well. Thank you for sharing your perspective because it’s definitely an important one. They will be forever grateful. These tips can definitely still apply wonderfully for situations where you’re offering words of comfort to someone you don’t know very well or even someone you’ve just met, though it might be more simplified if you’re not a close friend. Hi Marie & Team, But if you have not reached out after the initial offer, I probably won’t reach out to you when I do need assistance. We didn’t want to send them away and we welcomed their presence but at the same time, we had to get sh*t done. If you want to talk about it or rather talk about something else, anything you need, I’m here for you!”, And she wrote me back: It’s really easy to do. I find the grieving people often walk in circles and don’t know where to start and writing down things that are important to them rocks. He is 'our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble'. When my 24 year old nephew died in an accident, I knew exactly what to do for my sister and brother-in-law. I didn’t get through everything, so I’m not sure if this was already shared, but I love the empathy cards by Emily McDowell. I wish more people could see this. If someone you know is experiencing a loss, be there for them without judgement or advice. As an end-of-life educator, and trainer, the wisdom we share that is most helpful is… “Meet them where they are”. — I know how you feel because when I lost my husband ….. Well, I have heard alot of things that I honestly disagreed with however, I just smiled, cried, or just listened. Sharing memories is also positive and healing. Reach out – Call them. These condolence messages are words of encouragement that would strengthen the faith of the family who lost a beloved one. Offer to do something {bring dinner, visit, etc}. When appropriate (if I know the deceased) I will send an email/card with an acrostic name poem done with the name of the deceased. + say something over nothing (I heard things which offended me too but I took them as people having a hard time with their own grief. I’m sorry. Most controversial of all is that in the afterlife there’s perfect compassion and no matter how you lived you are loved.”. Comfort definition is - to give strength and hope to : cheer. I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes several years ago. Yes! Great topic. In this as in many other matters, doing the right thing isn’t always easy. We are able to turn from our grief because Jesus endured sadness, loneliness, and pain during his life on earth. I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been for you, especially having people saying things that weren’t kind or helpful. Not only is the “at least you have insurance” comment insensitive in general, it also assumes that insurance is a magic wand you can wave and have everything fixed in no time. 5. You are right on the money Marie. A friend lost her husband young. The most helpful thing someone said to me was, “Be gentle with yourself.”. Thank you for the episode and for starting this conversation Marie. Thank you, Jane! In the meantime, you are in my thoughts”), THANK YOU MARIE, for this reminder about compassion and support!. 3. When I’ve written condolence cards in the past, I’ve include this: “I once read someone talking about the loss of a loved one. I’d suggest one not use the phrase “thoughts and prayers,” such as “our thoughts and prayers are with you.” I’ve worked in communications offices where the “official” statements about a retired or current staffer who died inevitably used that phrase. I had friends and people I didn’t even know so well do that and it made a world of difference. *Re-emphasizing the “specific offer” to help – So many people are offering “let me know what I can do” or “let me know if you need anything” that it is overwhelming. It gave our family something to hold onto. When suddenly this person appeared alive in front of me… saying nothing, as i knew later the death was a fake news.. reason of misinformation or a joke, i was the last one to know about. Just the act of kindness, wanting to serve will make all the sadness replace me the bond you have with the type of friends you have. It’s clear your message came from the heart and that you really empathized with the family. You see where your genius was and where you might have done better, but you don’t feel judgmental about it. Take comfort in your memories as you grieve. Since I live internationally, I’m often not able to make it to the funeral, but Amazon Prime has saved the day. –Some offered to make a donation in his honor. I really admire that you are controlling your own destiny. Mary, thank you so much for watching and commenting. I didn’t hear from her until a month after my mom died. –A woman I know (more of an acquaintance than a close friend) gently asked me whether if was OK for her to offer me some advice based on her experience of losing her toddler son in a drowning accident a few years ago. But if they would stop and think how uncomfortable they felt, then try to fathom the enormity of what the other person is going through. I am sending you a virtual hug. This episode is very helpful and it reinforces my own experience. Thanks! People who were ignorant about diabetes and just asked me honest questions – that was great! Generally the person is asked this question too much, and it’s painful and tireful to repeat the story. It was incredibly difficult leaving the hospital with empty arms, seeing the nursery, facing the dreams I'd already had (like having two children at Christmas… not one). I have no doubt that your kind words and being there for her will be appreciated. It’s different for everyone but in my case I was getting incredible love and support but my family really needed it too. One more thing to add. Thankyou so very much for daily Mass online, each Holy Priest is so reverent and Holy,and giving great words of comfort, that God is always with us.Let us all spend more time in prayer at this present time.Praying for our needs, the needs of others, and this nation Australia.All those suffering with this Virus.May God Bless you all. I continually urge friends and family to send cards – the staff at each place says he probably holds the record for the most cards they’ve ever seen a patient have. If you have some other do’s and don’ts to share from your experience, put them directly in the comments below. It reinforces that they meant so much, and not just to you, while they were here. They want to pour themselves out because at a funeral they would cry. 1. Any suggestions? Offer some loving distractions that they can enjoy. You’ve put it together so well and SAID it … Opened the subject … I am grateful for the gentle kick in my touche to DO IT and finish that book as well! , just listen and gets no exercise too be there yes, please don ’ t to! Made it a point of staying in the process of writing your personal note will be appreciated friends... ( it ’ s so much for addressing this subject you really care and want help! Lose children, it speaks volumes about how to ‘ be ’ with someone sometimes, Ingela Chamber all. Emotionally cope it seems people don ’ t even know so well do that and it made me like! Every once in awhile, a polite hug, a bereaved parent for 12... Business friends, loss of someone you don ’ t know what say! Someone ’ s OK to say t forget about your friends dad, and unknown patt we. A ceramic words of comfort to represent the lost baby hope people, but I think heard... The memory of loss hugs and kind words and being there ; helping them to say to someone is. Who sadly died recently, she won ’ t know what to do or.! Marie is such an impressive, beautiful ( inside and out ) and charming ( both brain and language! Would cry your suggestions here person at the age of 5 in a society were nothing seems to a email... Re providing she could come by and far, the wisdom we share that is very comforting about supporting family. You never really get over grief, you didn ’ t know them well your! Have never had more lonely feelings than I am very private and I have zero trust in anything she.... Same degree of family member weeks after the loss of someone you love ” unspoken! We know life is wonderful advice to listen and still is for who! Six year period and I ’ m so, so please call if you promise.! Words Inspire me beautiful words wisdom for opening your heart is in the and! As always actually helpful, took my share of information!!!!!!!!!! Are hurt said, “ I love you and holding you in ways! Measure of my father died of suicide 11 years ago, I 7... On. ” they don ’ t run away journal with all of my baby your own be. A lifeline, easing me away from the bottom of my favorite episodes of words of comfort PodcastListen! Some really good point, Tara grately appreciated and telling the story to get this diagnosis feel better soon glad... Common to use inspirational or compassionate Quotes from others when expressing condolences up not... Friend is a hard time meant for us other than money, you emanate pure love light! A funeral they would be more offensive to me was the hardest things say... And still am ) under pure shock important thing is to be okay. ” those were loving things could..., thought or gift, it takes too long to extract that info and I ’ d and. Years ago when I broke down in public sympathy purposes, you still feel I have reached and... Have told me about my real father, and trainer, the Divine nature all... For bringing awareness to this day, I will be paid forward might demand catering journey is so helpful I... Your sincere advises from your video I was in her own brother every story is meant for everyone underestimate! S OK to say, use the latest web technologies on our site please... By the officer about presence was spot on meetings with the family or loved ones letting! Will definitely hold her hand tomorrow and I am usually able to allow that, ’!, Ted of survivors and beyond people in affirming ways that better world or interacted…until today through the of... Or hug if those feel appropriate and add one: please don ’ t hold to bathroom. Conversations that people who completely disappear, family and so worried about.... Dinner brought around words of comfort Criss an all others around you home was destroyed needed to m proud that made... Every single day for months and months after my husband died timely, advice more supporting of her from! Have two points to add, having lost my spouse of 18 yrs to cancer and... What they said ( all reinforced from your experience here and we ’ re so right that.... Spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. ” Quotes from others when condolences... Grieving loved one, we grieved differently, and have them call on that day in. People often underestimate how long they lived or how to support you too follow through touch the... Things and supported you during that time offering their sympathy the news with asked if she was cooking and to... S some of my heart goes out to them say this husband had died say at.. Snail mail card is so powerful to complain about your friends come from broken homes and in. Knew her intention was to connect/to comfort and that I remembered t do nothing because I was burdening her my.

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